My writer’s block…

I had been meaning to write for a while but every time I sat down to think, all I could come up with was nothing or everything. Everyone understands that if you can’t think of anything, you can’t put it on a page. But you probably think if this guy is thinking about a lot of things, it is so easy to write. Choose one of it and start writing about it. I wish that was the case.

It is difficult when I have a lot on my mind. I really couldn’t choose a topic. It felt like, if I chose one, all the other thoughts would feel neglected. I knew it sounds ludicrous, but I am sympathetic that way.

For last couple of week, I had a lot on my mind. Every time I wanted to write, all these topics came flooding. My brain was full but the pages, empty.

One evening, I was determined to write. It had been a dull day. Rain was pouring heavily and the frequent thunder and lightning was not helping the cause. I do like the occasional rain but that day was different. It had been raining from the morning and I was stuck at home.    ‘What do people do when they are incapable themselves? ’, I thought.  ‘They ask other people for help’.

So, I asked a friend if there was a topic that she could recommend. She was shocked. At least, that is what I gathered from her response.

She said, “Haha, me!!!”

‘Yes, ma’am.’, I was thinking but I replied, “Yes… anything.”

She was reluctant. She insisted that she was not that creative.

I wanted tell her that she is creative and then a memory came back to me. I had had similar conversation before with her in the past and the response was the same. I had insisted that she think of something then, and she had some of the greatest ideas ever. The one time, it was a supernatural-esque dream. The fonder memory was that when we had created a story then and there with each of us adding a new sentence to the other’s previous sentence.

The story was about a bunny that lived in a grassland whose house was destroyed by a huge storm. The bunny then came across a bird that had injured its wings in the same storm and had fallen near the bunny’s house. The bunny took the bird inside, nursed its injuries and gave it a place to stay until it could fly again. The bunny and the bird became great friends, they roamed around met other friends of bunny and the bird had a great time. Once the bird felt better, it helped the bunny repair its hut.
Finally, the day came when the bird could fly again. The bunny felt happy for the bird but was also a bit sad that the bird would leave. The bunny would never tell the bird how it felt. Seeing that the bunny was not itself for some time, the bird asked what the matter was. The reluctant bunny finally told what was bothering it. The bird admitted that it felt the same way but told that it had to go to its family. The bird also told that it came from the jungle that was directly beside the grassland and it would come and visit. The bird also invited the bunny to come and visit it in the jungle. With that promise, the bird flew away.

I also recall something I thought to continue that story but I can’t quite remember if I ever told her that.

The bird did come back to visit and one day, also took the bunny to the jungle to meet its friends and family. They met each other often and the bunny loved how the bird could fly in the sky. The bunny designed mechanical wings and with the bird, would fly together whenever they met.  

At that moment, I decided to write the story and as you can see above, it’s done. I didn’t tell her that she was creative or insisted me to help her. She had already done that.

People do help. Even if they directly can’t, one way or another, they always make you better as she helped me overcome my writer’s block…

      

Stuck in a loop…

Suddenly, he woke up. The lights were on. A cool breeze rushed in from the open window. He wondered when and for how long he had slept. There was no blanket on and the laptop was still turned on pausing on a scene of the Lego Batman movie. The last thing he remembered was getting too tired and sleepy watching the movie lying in that very bed. He tried to move but his body wouldn’t budge. He tried to turn but nothing happened. He tried to move his fingers but it was like his nerves were not transmitting any signal to his limbs. A sudden chill went down his spine. His greatest fear was not being conscious but not being able to anything, like in a coma. He was terrified. Was his greatest fear coming to a reality? He opened his mouth and yelled in sheer terror. But to his dismay, no sound came out of his throat. With all his might, he let out another scream and at the same time he swung his body forward and was finally able to stand up.

Suddenly, he woke up. The lights were on. A cool breeze rushed in from the open window. He wondered when and for how long he had slept. There was no blanket on and the laptop was still turned on pausing on a scene of the Lego Batman movie. The last thing he remembered was getting too tired and sleepy watching the movie lying in that very bed. He tried to move but his body wouldn’t budge. He tried to turn but nothing happened. He tried to move his fingers but it was like his nerves were not transmitting any signal to his limbs. A sudden chill went down his spine. His greatest fear was not being conscious but not being able to anything, like in a coma. He was terrified. Was his greatest fear coming to a reality? He opened his mouth and yelled in sheer terror. But to his dismay, no sound came out of his throat. With all his might, he let out another scream and at the same time he swung his body forward and was finally able to stand up.   

Suddenly, he woke up. The lights were on. A cool breeze rushed in from the open window. He wondered when and for how long he had slept. There was no blanket on and the laptop was still turned on pausing on a scene of the Lego Batman movie. The last thing he remembered was getting too tired and sleepy watching the movie lying in that very bed. Wait! This situation felt similar to him. Then he remembered that he had done the same thing before, twice. He tried to move but his body wouldn’t budge. He tried to turn but nothing happened. He tried to move his fingers but it was like his nerves were not transmitting any signal to his limbs. A sudden chill went down his spine. His greatest fear was not being conscious but not being able to anything, like in a coma. He was terrified. Was his greatest fear coming to a reality? He opened his mouth and yelled in sheer terror. But to his dismay, no sound came out of his throat. With all his might, he let out another scream and at the same time he swung his body forward and was finally able to stand up.

Suddenly, he woke up. This time, he remembered the same prior situation again. What was happening? He thought for a while and then checked to see if he could move or shout. Still nothing happened. A thought then came to his mind. He was dreaming and in this dream, he was stuck in a loop. Again, with all the power he could muster, he let out a scream and swung his body forward and was able to stand up.

Suddenly, he woke up. Whatever this dream was, it wouldn’t end. He was stuck in a loop, waking up to find himself helpless. Using his strength to stand up but he would wake up again in the same position. He doesn’t remember how many times this happened. It felt like an eternity. He was getting more anxious and terrified every single time. He tried to change the situation, like he tried to pick up his phone, look at his watch, and call out for help, but this loop would not break.

He wanted to cry but no tears would come. He had lost all hope. Finally, he decided he would accept his fate and do nothing about it.

He was lying there, knowing it was a dream but with no expectation of waking up anytime soon. His body didn’t move but his mind was going haywire, thinking about everything and nothing all at once. Suddenly, he felt a shadow fall on him. He couldn’t make out who it was and tried to slightly move his head to see who it was but to no avail. As this person came close, he could make out that it was a girl. She stood right by his bedside and slowly leaned forward towards him. He finally saw who she was.

She was the girl he loved. The most beautiful girl he had ever laid his eyes upon and she looked divine just then. She gently stroked his hair. “Don’t force it. Just stand up slowly. You can do it.”, she whispered into his ear and disappeared.

He did as he was told. He closed his eyes, smiled and very slowly stood himself up.

And finally, he woke up…  

(This is the bizarre dream I had yesterday.)

A little peace of mind…

Ah! It has been a long time since I have been home early and in a mood to write. Lately, I have either been out late running away from every responsibility or come home and wait for my phone to go ding ding.

So today I said sorry to my friends and drove home straight from work. Now I am sitting down in front of my computer, a pleasing song on repeat, lovely breeze and a drizzle outside, hot tea to warm me up and my phone’s Wi-Fi turned off. I am spending this Friday evening with my readers.

Speaking of my readers, I wonder who you are reading this piece. Are you a person I know or some stranger? Are you someone I adore dearly or someone I can’t stand at all? The people from former category, I say ‘Heeeeyyy!!!’. You can be anyone and I can only imagine, how you look, your nature, your beliefs, your life, you are happy or you are sad. But to everyone, I hope you have a great day and you like what you are reading.

A simple thing like this can make your day. I know it all too well. I spent the last few weeks in dark place hoping someone would come up to me and tell me that whatever it is, you will do great and everything will be alright. I did get that sparsely, making me happy for a while. But I wished for more of it. Well, you can’t expect other’s to understand what you are going through, especially for someone like me. I don’t like to share my problems with anyone thinking they would get sad themselves. So, that led to me staying in the dark place for a while.

I am sure everyone has been in this ‘dark place’ one time or the other in their life and in this place you can’t think straight. You don’t know that you are hurting yourself and everyone around you. Every judgement you take is clouded and the dark personality you portray is something everyone hates.

Alas! Had I only thought of things as I am thinking today, things probably would be unlike it is today. This is the moment I feel if the time travel was real. I wish I could go back and do things differently. Just to be sure, I googled it just now and time travel is still not possible this moment. But I am trying my best to make things right now and I hope I am given the chance.

Anyways, yesterday I had an epiphany. I realized that I link everything in my life to something or someone. I am not going to give any examples of it. You can think and relate it with your life. Before I slept yesterday, I decided I will try not to do that as much now. I am going to be my own man. I have too much at stake to not be doing that. Then it hit me. I have told this to everyone who has come to me sad. I have given a lot of advice to a lot of people but somehow I never looked after myself. I can calm an angry person but I have never done anything to control my temper, which I know is quite bad. I apologize to everyone who have crossed path with my anger.

So, I woke up today, looked into the mirror, smiled and said to myself, ‘I will do great and everything will be fine’. I also meditated after a long time. And to tell you the truth, I feel good.

The song is still playing, rain has stopped and only an empty glass remains. I guess it’s time for me to bid you goodbye. I hope you enjoyed this.

Until next time, enchanté … 

Dear friends...

Dear friends,

 I don't know what you see in me that makes you want to be my friend. Whatever the reason, I truly appreciate you in my life.

 I realize that I am egoistic, self centered and selfish. I have never valued the impact friends have made in my entire life.

 This is to you all, who have seen my highs as well as my lows and still stood by me. If you ever read this, you know who you are.

 My friends, who have been doing all the small things for me even though you have no benefit from it, thank you very much. I have asked you for everything and you never hesitate for a moment and jump right in my petty mess. I know I have not returned the favor and I have hesitated when you have asked me for similar things but you have never brought it up when I ask for more, ever so selfishly.

 The friends I have the highest of intellectual discussions with, you have made me one of the most knowledgeable person. Hours of discussions on science, philosophy and art, all have developed my mind to an extent that has molded me. I cherish all the talks of relativity of time, views of scholars, feats of science and technology, the enormity of the universe and the eye of the artists to create a masterpiece.

 I have undermined a lot of my friends as well. I have laughed at your views, your nature and your difference with me. I would like to apologize for everything. Even though I have not been a good friend, ignoring you rather than understanding, you have always been there when I needed and love me endlessly.

 And the friends who listen to my every self obsessed talks, you are all a gem. I don't know why, but I have always been the one to share everything. I share my success with you and the narcissistic me probably does it with an extreme gloating and yet you are always happy for me. Then, there are times of my lows. I pour out every sadness in long hours of self pity sessions and you are always there to support and console me.

 I realize that I am too much of a work for all of you but that has never made you ignore me. I irritate my friends a lot and yet I find love in your hearts for me.

 This is a letter to all my friends and I pour my heart into it. I write in the moment of clarity but with one question still in my mind,

“What have I done to deserve friends like you?”